Imperfection Has Advantages
by Grace Treble
Summary: After a seemingly normal Quidditch match and start of his 7th year, Harry finds himself growing continually bitter towards the wizarding world at large and especially towards a few certain Slytherins. Chapters to follow.
1. IHA: Harry's Amazing Win

Eyes blazing, circling the indignant boy, "You know, I'm so fucking sick of you're excuses Draco. No wands. No professors. No brooms. Just you. And me. Right now. Take it or leave it." He stopped his pacing and glared hatefullyat thetaller boy. A curt nod is all the approval he would expect after knowinghim for 7 years. SoHarry was oddly surprised when he heard Draco's voice.

"You sure you wanna do that, _Harry_?" His sneered the name but his expression remained honest and stone. Harry tilted his head slightly as if contemplating the question. He suddenly lurched forward into Draco's face thoroughly pleased that the boy flinched ever so slightly.

_Malfoys don't flinch_, Harry thought, of course in Draco's condescending tone.

Great, now his thoughts are in the jackass's voice. This ends now.

"I have never been so positive about any decision before, Malfoy." Harry made sure to match the sneer in Draco's voice.

Harry gestured broadly for Draco to begin. He watched, anger still prevalent coursing through his veins, the boy remove his outer robe, square his broad shoulders and swing at Harry. Harry watching, of course, dodged and swung back. The blow hit Draco in the side right under his ribs with a sickeningly and pleasing thud.

The boy didn't even react to the blow and instead harshly shoved Harry backwards. He watched as the dark haired boy toppled over the benches in the middle isle. He quickly followed and before Harry could recover his balance Draco slugged him square in the mouth. The sound on this hit wasn't as pleasing as the spray of blood.

Harry's green eyes seemed to darken as he launched himself into Draco. Both of them flying across the room on the slick surface, they collided with the mirror firmly screwed to the wall. The force shattered the reflective surface and sent shards of glass raining down on the scuffle. Harry barely felt the thin cuts he received, instead focusing his attention on smashing Draco's face.

Draco felt the hard wall slam into his shoulders with Harry's heaviness atop him. The sound caused him to instinctively guard his face as glass poured down on them. Harry felt most of the cuts slice his neck and arms. Draco began to struggle once again. His movements paid off as he used the wall to propel Harry off of him and stand woozily, idly wondering if his nose or ribs were broken.

Harry righted himself quickly and they stalked each other. He only saw red blurriness out of his left eye as blood free ran down his face. His legs throbbed.

Instinctively they both ran towards each other hoping to knock the other's sense of balance off. But when they collided they fell to the ground and as they both attempted to stand they were violently held down. Not too angered by the force they slumped admitting defeat to the unknown assailant.

Severus Snape sighed and gripped his wand, effectively binding both boys to the ground. He watched slightly bemused as the pair fell to the floor again. Their usual annoying antics changed subtly over the course of the year. But he saw the slight changes, the snarky comments in Potions now were mostly one sided; Harry stoically ignoring his Slytherin student. But everybody has their boiling points. Once satisfied they had both passed out due to their injuries he levitated them up to the infirmary.

Poppy softly muttering curse words eyed Severus as he entered. He placed them on the nearest beds and fire called Albus to meet them.

As Harry left the world of grogginess his senses alerted him before he opened his eyes. The thin mattress accompanied by the aroma of antiseptic potions tipped him off. _The infirmary. Great. _

He only hoped he won the fight. Before making his awakened conscious known, he took a small inventory of his sore body. Breathing felt normal, not as labored as when the bludger crushed his ribs. Okay there. He flexed his legs, feeling the aching behind his knees, right, falling over that damned bench. _Fucking cheap shot Draco_. His right hand was hot, probably swollen and bandaged.

Slowly opening his eyes, he suddenly remembered the multiple blows to his face. His left eye's vision not only was red blurriness but now it was well on its way to swelling shut.

_Perfect_.

He scanned the infirmary for the other boy and found him to his left. Apparently Draco had not woke yet, _or taking inventory_. Harry reminded himself. Draco's face looked worse than what Harry thought his own might. The boy's nose was swelling slightly, dark circles ringed both eyes, a cut above his right eye drew Harry's attention. He couldn't remember if he caused that, or the quidditch match that preceded the fight.

Draco entered the near deserted Gryffindor locker rooms after the Quidditch match and began discussing, _bitching_, how the only reason that team received the win was Potter's deception.

In retrospect, Draco had never been one to defend his loss with accusations. For Merlin's sake, he usually was the one cheating. Why did he even come into the locker room? Harry's perplexed look was not masked as Snape approached.

"Finding it harder and harder not to deduct _negative_ points from Gryffindor, Potter for pure stupidity." He thrust a vial into Harry's hand ordering him to drink. But Harry had other plans; he disgustingly looked through the vial at his professor, raising an eyebrow.

"What if I don't?"

"Don't tempt me, Mr. Potter."

Harry oddly tired quite quickly of their usual antics. He didn't feel like being ordered, and definitely didn't feel like falling into a dreamless sleep that resulted in a disorienting headache.

Harry stared at the professor and purposely dropped the glass vial onto the floor next to Snape's feet. Pleasantly smiling as the glass shattered. The Potions Master sputtered slightly before regaining his detached demeanor. As he formulated the correct clipped tone to use on Potter his attention was drawn to the other bed as the boy woke, groaning slightly. He quickly deserted Potter and leaned down to Draco.

Once Snape's attention was diverted, Harry kicked the sheets away from his overheated body. _Too bad I can't fight regularly_, his mind quipped, _I'd never grow cold again. _

His feet touched the cold ground, mindful of the shattered glass, just as he heard Poppy's soft growl.

"Harry, bed, laying in it now." Her soft tug from behind him sent him over the edge. He jerked away from her, slowly steadying his voice.

"Don't touch me."

Severus heard the tone and turned slightly. Something about that intrigued him. It wasn't anger or pleading. Just hard and cold. He wondered if that is what he sounded like.

He nodded to Poppy to let the boy up.

He began his administrations on Draco once again. Naturally, the Slytherin gulped down the potions and fell into a heavy sleep.

_Why is Snape being nice to me now? _Not thinking of a response to his own question, Harry rose slowly and drifted out of the infirmary, picking up his robe and clothes on the way out.

As he rounded a corner, still buttoning his robe over his bloody shirt, he collided into Dumbledore.

"My child, what happened? What are you doing walking around, come with me to the infirmary. I thought Severus said he transported both of you down there."

Harry had enough sense to wait for the man to finish before politely disagreeing.

"Yes sir, Professor Snape did apparently take both of us to the infirmary. But I awoke and left." He stated simply and went to buttoning his robe with his swollen hand.

"But you need to take the healing potions. Your face is a mess." Albus reached out to touch Harry's sweaty forehead, but the boy ducked away, placed a noticeable gap between himself and the other man.

"No thank you, sir. I know Poppy would have given me anything I needed to heal internal injuries before I awoke. I refuse to take a potion for anything more than that, sir." He locked eyes with the Headmaster, silently challenging him to question further.

"If Severus is being unusually difficult in treating you, I can tal-"

"I threw the healing potion on the ground, sir, it wasn't the professor. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Transfiguration essay I need to finish before tomorrow." He felt the shocked eyes of the Headmaster on his retreating figure and smiled at nothing, he was oddly pleased.

Severus watching the boy stride out of the room only slightly limping. He never imagined that the boy would actually leave the hall. Severus himself hated the infirmary though never ended up there as often as the hero. After tending to Draco, Severus stepped out into the hall listening to the Headmaster talk to the boy across the courtyard.

He's never been that brisk with Albus before. And that thought is oddly disconcerting.


	2. IHA: Home to Hermione

Striding through the halls looking a mess was not what normal people considered fun.

But hell, when was Harry ever considered normal? Especially now.

The oddness of the whole experience was how the normalcy of people staring and whispering at his mere presence suddenly vanished. Now as he approached the library he was met with a shocked silence and averted eyes. Some even went out of their way to skirt along the edge of the hallways, giving him a wide breath in passing.

He entered the library and slowly walked over to the solitary tables with high walls. He craved that simple barrier from the outside world, from everyone.

Unfortunately, most of whom he wished to avoid was planted there among piles of books and loose parchment.

He judged just how quickly he would have to move in order to go unnoticed by her.

Sighing internally, he made eye contact. _Not quick enough Potter_.

"_Harry_?" Her voice hissed, ever aware of the library's blissful silence. He nodded once and set his books on the table next to her ever so cluttered one.

"Hermione, what are you working on?" He tone was nonchalant as he sat down gingerly all while cursing Malfoy's cheap shots in his head.

Hermione sputtered shocked for a minute and then started fuming, "what, I, what am I working on? Who bloody cares what I'm working on, you, your face. Harry! What happened, the match, you were fine in the air. I know Malfoy side swiped you for a bit, but you didn't look like- You got in a fight! Didn't you! What, what…" Her quiet incessant speech was working itself into a huge flutter before she stops seemingly out of words.

He rubbed the bridge of his nose with is bandaged hand. He felt the headache building slowly and persistently behind his left eye.

"I got in a fight with Malfoy, walked out of the infirmary- mostly to get away from him and Snape, right into Dumbledore, came here." He said as if he was repeating the information in an interrogation.

She sat back in her chair thoroughly shocked with his abrupt truthfulness.

"Oh. Well. I don't know really what to say to that."

"So don't say anything. I need to do this essay and then I'm..." He drifted off quietly looking glassy eyed at the table.

"Oh, Harry," she reached her hand out to comfort him but he recoiled from the touch, snapping out of his gaze.

"Right. Um, I'm gonna go do this essay. I'll see you later."

"Yeah," She whispered, head down to hide the beginning of her tears. As his steps retreated, she sighed, "I don't know how to help you anymore. I don't even know if I can."


	3. IHA: Monday morning limits

Harry still sore from his unhealed injuries walked slow through the halls come Monday morning. Completely unconcerned with his tardiness to every class he even stopped frequently. The students had once again followed his every move with their questioning eyes.

_Isn't it enough I fulfilled my destiny as savoir to these people once again? Can't they just stop already?_

"Hell of a catch the other day, Potter." Harry looked up abruptly to the source of the gruff voice cutting off his inner monologue's litany.

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks Professor." Harry said backing up slightly when Mad-Eye Moody continued to walk closer to him.

"Looks like ya got a nice shiner there." He leaned in and Harry sucked in a surprised breath. "Was it the Malfoy boy?" The boy was staring a hole in the floor before smiling.

Harry's sadistic side began to show once again. He looked up to the professor.

"Yes sir, but I gave as good as I got. He just didn't like the reminder of being beat, so his was healed."

Moody's magical eye eerily focused on Harry.

"Wee bit callous for a wizard there Potter using fists and all."

"Can't expect much more from a muggle raised half-blood." He said slowly spitting out the words as a challenge before adding "sir."

"You sure have a lot of violence pent up then son." Moody said unknowingly.

"What do you expect? Dumbledore trained me to kill Tom, I can't just shut that off, now can I?"

"You can and you will immediately." Severus Snape glided into the dim light provided by the dungeon hallway. Moody missed the tinge of bitterness swirling in Harry's eyes.

"You were to arrive in my classroom 12 minutes ago. I expect your presence in detention tonight precisely at 8 o'clock. That is if the celebrity can make the time."

"I guess the meeting with the press _can_ be pushed back some." Harry said as if rearranging his itinerary for the night.

"I would consider canceling it all together with the amount of work you'll be doing." Severus said fueling the boy's fire.

"So noted. Am I excused from this meeting of the dark minds?" Harry asked flippantly.

"Get out of my sight Potter." Severus whispered.

"He's incredibly worrisome, isn't he?" Moody asked looking at Severus as his eye tracked Potter's retreating form.

"As if I had the time to care about his exploits," Severus said rolling his eyes disgustingly and continued to the extra potions closet for the cauldrons that brought him into the hall in the first place.

Moody smiled at the professor's words, knowing full well that the man's latest concern was Potter. During the last year of Voldemort's existence Severus was the main inside source risking everything for the light. His interaction with the Order turned more and more pleasant and they began to see through Severus' masks. Much to the man's arduous dislike.

As Harry walked aimlessly to fill the time he should have been in Potions, he walked the perimeter of the lake on the grounds. As he stepped out of the clearing, he stopped, when he saw blonde platinum hair.

Draco heard the twigs snap behind him and clutched at his wand. Defying his late father's wishes on joining the dark side definitely put Draco's death quite high on to-do lists for many of his still existing peons. He turned casually masking the fear and then relief when he saw who it was.

"You may want to work on your craftiness Potter, I heard you trounce about loudly."

"I wasn't planning on trouncing anywhere close to you Malfoy." As he walked by the slight limp he had adorned caught Draco's eye.

"Enlighten me as to why you didn't receive healing?" Draco asked quietly.

Harry paused and turned back to his supposed enemy. "Do you not like gazing at your handiwork? How odd. I would have loved to see your nose still smashed in." He said lightly.

"If you think you're going to fool me into believing this hardened shell is all you have left, then you're incredibly dim-witted."

To the untrained eye there would have been no affect to the blonde's words. But the slight breathe that slipped from Harry causing his shoulder's to droop ever so slightly told Draco what he needed to know.

"You know, I never did thank you for killing me dad."

Harry spun around, shock evident in his face.


	4. IHA: Masks are Breakable

"I never knew you wanted to

"I never knew you wanted to."

For once, Draco saw Harry's shields drop and witnessed the helplessly lost boy. A sick desperation for fighting to cleanse his damaged soul now morphed into a weary indifference. Harry was dying.

Draco nodded and stepped closer. "He was never a nice man. My father was…" the blonde searched for the right phrase, "sad." Nodding in his own approval, "I could say he was in need of power, for which he lacked extremely, and was drawn in by the Dark Lord." Harry stared at him blankly.

"But that would be an understatement. He was an arsehole who enjoyed others pain. He needed an heir and killed the girls my mother bore before me." Harry still stared.

"So thank you." Draco finished lamely. He looked away once again and heard Harry walk favoring his injuries. He perched against the rock Draco was leaning against and looked out onto the still lake.

"I want to die." Harry whispered, in awe of his own words. As if, just this moment he put all the pieces together himself.

"I know. I noticed." Draco said noncommittally. Harry nodded and frantically blinked away tears that welled in his great green eyes.

"You should talk to someone. Maybe your friends or better yet a professor." Draco whispered still impassively.

The smaller boy nodded and went to limp away, Draco caught his arm.

"Or me. I've,." He started and saw the hope in Harry's eyes, "I just, could maybe help." He chose his words carefully and saw Harry's gaze drop. He gripped tighter, "I know, okay? I've been there. Where you are. Or at least close to it as possible without being the savior boy."

Harry looked at him. "How did you get through it?" Draco shrugged slightly and blushed. "I had a really great professor."

As he limped away slowly Draco whispered the spell with his wand pointed. Harry stopped abruptly and spun. He tested his newly healed leg and blinked without pain.

Draco yelled to him, "We all need help Potter. Even the best of us need a little help."


	5. IHA: Purposes

Harry watched his friends eat dinner and occasionally glanced over at Slytherin table and the professors. Repeatedly he met eyes with Draco or Professor Snape, and each time he felt an odd embarrassment, as if he misplaced his trousers but still came to the Hall.

"Harry, your plate is still full." Hermione said into her napkin, trying to remain unobtrusive.

"Nervous 'bout detention I'd reckon. Don't see how you thought blowing off Potions was smart." Ron said disgustingly around the food piled into his mouth. Harry grimaced in his direction but seemingly let his comment pass.

He didn't even excuse himself as he abruptly stood and walked out of the Great Hall.

Gray eyes met obsidian brown.

As Professor Snape soundlessly lifted the door to the tower he was surprised at the silence, the missing myriad of sarcastic excuses that met his entrance. He walked into the windowed room and waited as his deep eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

There, across the room staring uncaringly at the wall, ignoring the beauty of the stars and the purpose of the room, sat the boy.

The man awkwardly paused, almost uncanny of a student waiting to be acknowledged by he himself earlier in the day. Almost as if coming out of a trance, Harry shook his head slightly and his eyes focused.

"Where's the sharp tongue lashing me for missing detention?" Severus heard the lack of conviction and weariness that infiltrated the boy's voice. He sighed and shook his head making his way over to the other bench in the astronomy tower.

"I would just be playing the role against an understudy of Harry Potter, because you've clearly lost your own character tonight." He stretched his long legs out in front of him and waited.

Harry calmly nodded and began drifting again. Suddenly, he spoke as if already in conversation. "Did you always want to be a potions professor?"

Severus tilted his head to examine the validity of the question and shook his head. "No. In fact, Mr. Potter, I wanted to travel the world," with a scoff of reality he continued, "Given, that curiosity really translated into wanted to find ingredients in faroff lands. But never the less, brewing those ingredients together was never a want of mine."

When he saw the desperation in Harry's unmasked face, he compelled himself to continue. "When I was your age, the ideas and dreams were boundless to all until the rise of Voldemort. But specifically for me, my dream transformed when my father fell ill and my mother became a responsibility."

"I'm sure your family had money, the Snapes are a purebred lineage." Harry scoffed.

"My, my Mr. Potter do listen closer. A responsibility, not a mouth to feed, we were upper class and therefore paid for the luxuries. Rather, I did, eventually. The _Dark Lord_," he said mockingly, "promised a lucrative lifestyle just for the price of potions mastery and of course your soul, which eventually led me here." He smiled sardonically.

Harry nodded again. "Makes sense in an odd and twisted sort of fate."

"Now, Mr. Potter, what brought about the question?" Severus asked while wondering what brought out his honesty.

"I have no idea what I want to do with my life. To be quite honest, I never thought I would have survived this long."

Silent alarm bells started in the professor's head. _Astronomy Tower, windows, ledge, alone._

Seeing his face, Harry started. "I couldn't have jumped, you know, the windows are spelled shut."

"To an adolescent incapable of handling basic wizardry maybe; but to you, the windows might as well not even exist." Severus spoke honestly.

Harry mulled over the idea, "But still, how inexcusably selfish would it be to make my suicide such a spectacle." He cringed.

"But ever so justifiable for a community full of fickleness concerning their hero."

"Still its so cliché and full of arrogance it is disheartening." Harry said beginning to see the bizarreness of the entire conversation.

"Still you must see the brilliance of it." The older male said with a sigh.

"Professor? Why are we, why are you talking about this so freely?" Harry asked hesitantly, "It seems, everyone is steering me away from the idea, while you… I don't understand." Harry ended in a hopeless whisper.

Professor Snape stood and turned toward the windows looking out over the darkened grounds. "Potter," he slumped his stance, and started again, "Harry, no one can tell you what to do. You know that. You're powerful and you've done a service for this community more fitting for a strong brute fully trained than a child. Not a normal child, obviously but still. The Headmaster used you and to an extent, we all did. We relied on your innate ability and untrained magic. And now we're trying to forgive ourselves by forcing you to forget that fact with discipline and rules that never applied to you before. We cannot tell you what to do. And we can't stop you from doing anything with your life," he sighed and turned back to him, "even in choosing whether or not to continue it."

The tears swelled in his green eyes, magnifying their emptiness. "I…" He helplessly shrugged. The professor turned back towards the windows.

"By no means am I recommending it, Potter. That is the last thing I wish for you. I want, well its regardless what I want." Professor Snape seemed to brush his awkwardness away by wiping his suddenly warm palms down the front of his robe.

"What?" Harry whispered staring at the back of him. "What is it you want for me?" Anxiety oozed itself into the question.

If Severus were honest, he would have immediately berated Harry for such an obvious display of emotion. But that mindset passed with the Dark Lord's own passing. _Now,_ Severus reiterated to his own conscious, _he's just a boy on the brink of despair. _

"I want a lot for our savior." The sardonic voice began but morphed into something sincere, "But most importantly I want a sense of normalcy and purpose to return to your life." His lank frame turned and sat on the same bench as Harry.

"There is a difference between destiny and purpose, Harry." He glanced at the boy and received a tentative nod. "Destiny is something pushed upon us without regard for want. But purpose, something voluntarily chosen, will lead you to a fulfillment. That fulfillment is a destiny that we all wish for; a happiness that comes from within." He met the so very clear green eyes.

"Although you fulfilled the destiny pressed onto you by our world. The other is still out there for you. You just must want to seek it."

As he stood, Harry placed a hand on his arm, tears flowing freely down his wearisome face. "How do I do that? How do I stop this emptiness from taking over."

Severus searched his own soul for an answer.

"Walk with purpose, collide with destiny."

His green eyes reignited with clarity.

(Last quote credited to Bertice Berry.)


End file.
